My mind races faster than the speed of light. The only way I can calm myself down is by doing an immensely stimulating activity that not only works both halves of my brain, but also works out the needs of my soul through creative expression. And usually, that involves me doing more than one thing at the same time and working myself up into a huge chaotic mess to try and please all parts that are screaming for attention. Then I have to make myself think... am I the only one feeling this way?
Time for a long drive.
Roll the windows down. Turn the music on. Quiet the mind. Speak no words. Feel the wind in the air. Drive somewhere no one can find you at. There... feel that? Peace.
I care too much about what others are doing. I care too little about what I'm doing and what I have in my life. The problems that I feel are mountainous on my shoulders are small ant hills compared to what some others in this world have to deal with. And I need to remind myself that. But I'm not afraid to let the other side of darkness kiss my face either. Take me into the abyss and I swear I'll come out alive. There isn't anything in this universe that can change who I am no matter how hard they try. The pressure to be something I'm not lately has been greater than it ever has been before. But do I fold under the pressure or keep pressing on like I always have? I'm not even sure I know how to fold. I was taught to keep fighting through anything and everything. So I guess I just answered my own question. Always keep fighting through it.
And the next thing, relationships are like water. They flow very steady, change very suddenly, and last all different lengths and periods of time. Sometimes they fork out into different directions where they meet up again and sometimes they find new bodies of water to join forces with and go in completely new paths. You cant make a river flow a certain way. You have to trust that someday, things will be right again and you will flow in the right direction. Maybe sometimes people have to carve their own path to the same destination to feel completely accomplished. I suppose I'm completely guilty in that myself.
This is my latest Flickr post. Basically, the past week or so I've been feeling very emotional. Taking 5 minute crying breaks in the bathroom feeling so alone and no one to talk to. I don't like wearing my heart on my sleeve and letting people see the weakest sides of me but I'm human. Maybe, embracing the things that make me feel uncomfortable about myself can inevitably help heal all the insecurities I feel inside...
