my heart is on my sleeve...

It's been practically a month since I've written here. My mind has been concentrating so much on updating my flickr photostream, everything else seems to get forgotten about. Which, balance is key to make anything right. So here it goes.

My mind races faster than the speed of light. The only way I can calm myself down is by doing an immensely stimulating activity that not only works both halves of my brain, but also works out the needs of my soul through creative expression. And usually, that involves me doing more than one thing at the same time and working myself up into a huge chaotic mess to try and please all parts that are screaming for attention. Then I have to make myself think... am I the only one feeling this way?

Time for a long drive.

Roll the windows down. Turn the music on. Quiet the mind. Speak no words. Feel the wind in the air. Drive somewhere no one can find you at. There... feel that? Peace.

I care too much about what others are doing. I care too little about what I'm doing and what I have in my life. The problems that I feel are mountainous on my shoulders are small ant hills compared to what some others in this world have to deal with. And I need to remind myself that. But I'm not afraid to let the other side of darkness kiss my face either. Take me into the abyss and I swear I'll come out alive. There isn't anything in this universe that can change who I am no matter how hard they try. The pressure to be something I'm not lately has been greater than it ever has been before. But do I fold under the pressure or keep pressing on like I always have? I'm not even sure I know how to fold. I was taught to keep fighting through anything and everything. So I guess I just answered my own question. Always keep fighting through it.

And the next thing, relationships are like water. They flow very steady, change very suddenly, and last all different lengths and periods of time. Sometimes they fork out into different directions where they meet up again and sometimes they find new bodies of water to join forces with and go in completely new paths. You cant make a river flow a certain way. You have to trust that someday, things will be right again and you will flow in the right direction. Maybe sometimes people have to carve their own path to the same destination to feel completely accomplished. I suppose I'm completely guilty in that myself.



This is my latest Flickr post. Basically, the past week or so I've been feeling very emotional. Taking 5 minute crying breaks in the bathroom feeling so alone and no one to talk to. I don't like wearing my heart on my sleeve and letting people see the weakest sides of me but I'm human. Maybe, embracing the things that make me feel uncomfortable about myself can inevitably help heal all the insecurities I feel inside...

MegaWacko

I've been doing my daily posting over on flickr, but I can't help but want to seriously blog about the negativity that seems to be coming at me. I've been hearing a lot from people that I interact with about a very low hope in the survival of our great society as a whole human civilization together. Many people seem to be falling into the idea that 2012 everything is going to end and we are going to create the beginning of our own end.

Has anyone ever stopped to think that maybe the very thought of this implication of possibility that we may actually create such situations for ourselves? What would happen to our civilization if more people believed in the impossible and pushed to make things work that "shouldn't"? What if we all learned to take whatever comes out to us with a smile and an unbridled passion to never give up in even the slightest sense of the word? Maybe instead of thinking about the end we could learn to appreciate what we have right now and use the brilliant ideas that get lost in day to day activities to advance ourselves not only technologically but also spiritually and mentally as a civilization. Believe in the power of imagination, creation, and hope. Believe that there is still friendship, happiness, and love.... even though this sounds cheesier than the moldiest cheese you'll ever set your sights on but there is always someone or something that cares about you. Somewhere in the universe, someone is thinking about you. You are never alone.



To change the subject and go completely off rhythm, I discovered a new band that I LOVE. They're called Abandon All Ships. Title of the blog came from one of their latest songs. I need to buy their CD.

Making - "What Am I Today?"

Well, I'm up late tonight again and even though I feel extremely tired, my mind is awake and restless. So, I wanted to go ahead and answer a few questions that I've gotten from a few people as to how I created the self portrait I titled on Flickr "What Am I Today?". It took about an hour to get the shots I needed (which ended up only being 2 separate shots) and probably about 2-3 hours of editing time. I knew exactly what I was going for with the concept ahead of time and whenever it comes down to a portrait like this, you almost have to talk yourself through it to keep yourself motivated in the right direction.

...so let's go back in time and take this from the very beginning....

Pull the lamps from the bedroom. Set it up like a studio Brooke. You know you've got to work this dull basement lighting. Oh wait? That lamp is busted... crap. Let's find another one. Perfect. BOOM. Light on.

Now, time for some music and blare the speakers since you finally have the house to yourself for a couple hours. Good. Soothing yet energizing.

Ok.. Tripod out. Settings set. Timer on. Clear the crap off the coffee table so I can actually see you through the camera at eye-level and keep it snappy. Now breathe, relax, and be yourself.



Dang, that's TOTALLY not what you're going for. Come on Brooke you know you are better than this... RELAX! We want your good side, and your bad side. What makes you happy? Books. But not just any books right? You want those books that are so old that you are too afraid to touch the pages they might turn to dust. Yeah. Those books. They deserve to be something.



Why are you so excited? lol You make me feel crazy. Come on do you really want to let the world to think that you are crazy? Childish? Easily amused? Wtf? What's wrong with you?



There it is.

Bam. Sometimes to create such shots of myself and one that actually portrays 2 completely different sides to me, I actually do get into arguments with myself in my head. But it totally worked for this concept. That's when I changed into my dark clothes and portrayed the little devil sitting on my right shoulder yelling at me in my own head the entire time of trying to capture the first shot. But of course, the little evil one didn't take more than 2 tries.



That magic for something like this happens all in the beauty of editing. I complied the two images together through Paintshop Pro X and realized when I did, the frames on the wall were a complete distraction to the image I was portraying. Since I knew it was going to be impossible to match the eyes in such a way again, I had to break out the clone brush tool in Paintshop and work my strongest magic I possibly could with the simple, yet very complicated and time-consuming tool. After this photo was finally complete, I made the decision that simplicity compliments a photograph in more ways than 1 and my new place I will make sure I keep a few walls completely free for this very reason. I'm not a huge photoshopping diva. My style usually tends to stick with the very true, 100% real image as to what you would actually see with your eyes and capturing it in such a magical way it looks photoshopped. But sometimes, it's fun to test your skills :)



The lighting on me was completely different on the two separate images which I tried to avoid at all costs but it was impossible after editing through these. So I decided to make it entirely black and white which actually ended up pulling the image completely together anyway. After all, the whole concept is to portray my two contrasting sides, why not represent through the beauty of B&W? But since the back wall was so close to my skin color, I decided to add a texture to give this photo a little extra something it wouldn't otherwise have. I thought then and still kind of do that the texture makes it look a LITTLE bit cheesy but it works and added a "cartoonish" feel that pulled it together. Textures can be found anywhere online but I find most of them on DeviantArt. It's hard to find high res files but not entirely impossible.



Now that I've been working on my 365 project, I've made it my goal to keep it simple. Less photoshop, real techniques on the RAW image. Learn the settings. Take the risks. Make some leaps. I think no matter how good anyone gets at anything they do, there is always room to improve.

But that's all for now! It's nearly 2 am and it's time for sleep :)
Good Night World!
Brooke

Heather & Justin

Well! I've finally been able to place the order for the lovely couple Heather & Justin! I did their wedding back in June and with both of our busy schedules, it's been very difficult to meet up and get her photos picked out for her package she booked. Looking through all the photos tonight, I remembered some of the classic moments that made their wedding so beautiful and so unique. Especially that old car ;)











The full wedding can be seen at my store. As for now, it's time for me to call it an early night as I work early in the morning tomorrow. Plus, I need to sleep off this saddness that has been hovering over me the past week or two. There was a conversation that occurred... that kind of conversation that leaves you doubting many things and never shakes you loose until something miraculous happens. Sometimes it's small and sometimes it's gigantic. But after playing games, drawing, editing photos, exploring, hanging out with friends, and shopping... it seems I still can't win against it lol. I suppose it's just going to be a mountain to climb. Oh well, at least I like the adventure..!

Good Night World :)
Brooke

From Yesterday

I took a dive into deep thought today and have been drowning in an endless abyss fueled by hope and curiosity. My mind doesn't feel as at ease as it should so usually that means I need to sit down and appreciate.

I've done a lot this summer and digging through my hard drive, I found things that I completely forgot about. Like my trip to the Cincinnati Museum with my good friend Jessie and my sister Holly when we all checked out the Under the Sea documentary they were playing on the IMAX screen. Even though the movie was short, it was worth the drive to downtown :) I didn't get super excited about these shots when I took them because they aren't the greatest in the world but it shouldn't go without mention that the museum's architecture is just absolutely phenomenal. It kind of reminds me of that 1930's look Bioshock used to create it's masterpiece.





Earlier this summer, I made a pit stop to Louisville, KY to have a girls weekend with my cousin and it was the first time I actually got to see downtown Louisville. We also went to a little town called LaGrange and checked out the old lighthouse that used to guide steam boats up and down the Ohio River between Cincinnati and Louisville. I did get a few pictures of the old lighthouse but I fail at stitching together multiple images to create one lovely image :) Found this one that was missed from the bunch and it's almost as awesome as Dom's epic night time long exposures, but not quite :) [[actually maybe totally no where near haha]]



And a first time ever happened for me this summer. An all girl road trip! Heck yes. We jammed out to old Yellowcard songs, Backstreet Boys, and NSYNC (haha..). Got sunburnt so bad I couldn't move for 2 days and I had to wear a towel around my legs to drive home so even mild sunlight through the car windows wouldn't drive me mad. I got my ears double-pierced and fell in love with crab meat. AND to top it off, we spotted an awesome new friend:




And he's another random guy lurking in the shadows :) As soon as he heard my shutter button beep he looked right at me



A couple weeks later, Paul and I hit the roads once again together (this time in a car......) and headed to D.C. So much happened the weekend we were there it took a couple weeks for everything to register and go through. Lights was obviously the main highlight for me and I did a blog post recently about it when we got back, but there were so many great photos that came from the trip :) More were posted to my flickr.





Most recently too, I went to the WEBN fireworks to watch the show "blow up Cincinnati" when I got out of work last sunday night. I'm not really one for large crowds but it's always such an interesting atmosphere to be apart of. But it's definitely not a place for kids and there were people with babies there! But I stuck around for a while after the show and got some pictures of one the main bridges that crosses the Ohio River. They were actually shooting fireworks off it too :]




So, I think its safe to say that this summer has been well spent and I'm very happy. Things really couldn't have been much better :) The only thing I didn't really accomplish this summer that I really wanted to was skydiving. Maybe I can still try to fit that in for my 21st bday? We'll definitely have to see :)

Have a good night all! And an even better weekend :)
Brooke

Tie Strings to Clouds

So, the images above are all from the day [8/28] I drove down to Louisville, KY with the family for my aunt's wedding, whom I was going to be the photographer. We took a different way than usual and took the interstate 275 which loops all the way around Cincinnati going into Indiana and then into Kentucky. It was 7:30am and the morning sun was heating up the rivers and marshes that spread throughout the whole area and created HUGE cloud masses. I've never seen anything quite like it before. These images were point-n-shoot shots. I timed it just right to shoot inbetween the beams on the bridge to capture the Duke Energy Power Plant (the main supplier of energy to the city of Cincinnati) being engulfed in fog. I didn't have time to stop the car and make it onto the skinny bridge myself with my tripod as we had a time crunch to get to Louisville before 10am! With it being a 2 hour drive, it made it quite impossible. I'll have to make my way back to this place again and try to recreate sharper images :) Although, the film-like quality they turned out to have seems to shed a beautiful uniquness of its own.





I still have all the shots from the wedding sitting in a folder waiting to be edited. My next off day I'm going to dedicate a lot of my spare minutes to mass editing. In other news, I found a game that I'm COMPLETELY addicted to. The game is called Spore for the PC and you control EVERY element of the game. Every creature, building, city... all of it completely customizable and your civilization keeps evolving from microscopic creatures to space traveling crusaders who can ultimately destroy the galaxy or befriend and expand new civilizations. It's crazy insane the amount of choices you have in this game.

Also my 365 day project is going great! My flickr account has been missing the attention. There's also still so much to get accomplished and moved around in the next couple weeks. I'm finding though the best way to get anything dont is to concentrate on one thing at a time and everything else can wait :] Otherwise, it just gets messier lol

Hooray for very little patience!

Brooke

100 THINGS

Video blogging is something that I've always wanted to do in the back of my mind but I haven't really ever gotten up and done it because I felt like I didn't really have the space or ability to before. Now that I'm out on my own, there's a lot more leeway in what I can do with my day. I watched a blog by Charlieissocoollike in which he did EXTREMELY well but I was inspired to make my own version of it.

In other news I've retaken the torch to carry a victory of completion to a 365 day project...! September 1st is the official move in date for my hubby and I's new place and so, I wanted to create a project that will map the entire first year of my complete independence. And how else is better to document through photographs? :) For the next year I'll be posting all my daily photos to Flickr!

I'm extremely excited for how everything is turning out to be and honestly, I'm getting even more excited for fall time. The temperatures will drop, Halloween around the corner, and the beautiful changing of the leaves that I look forward to every single year :)

Good day to you all!
Brooke